Gay wedding interrupted, couple convinced to give up homosexual lifestyle


Gay couple for wedding cake. Photo by Stefano Bolognini. Wiki Commons 2020.

Lucy Dooley-Carll, Satire

This fall, former fiances Adam Davis and Steve Miller traveled to Hawaii for a picture-perfect tropical wedding. The wedding had been a product of six months of planning, but even the detail-oriented would-be-groom Adam Davis couldn’t have predicted what happened on the long-anticipated day.

Enter Christian Brown, a conservative activist dedicated to stopping people from choosing a homosexual lifestyle. He operates a popular blog, where he asks fans to give him any information on gay couples so he can talk them down from making decisions they might regret, like moving in together or getting married, as well as getting tip-offs from his contacts in the government.

“I just think it’s the right thing to do, ya know?” Brown said. “It’s obvious to me that they’re making a big mistake, and if they can’t see that, then I try to help. They just have to choose to give up this way of life.”

Usually, Brown gets word of a wedding at least a week in advance, giving him time to visit the couple before the big day. But this time, his government contacts weren’t able to notify him until the night before Davis’ and Miller’s wedding, leaving him no choice but to crash the big day. 

He managed to get the two grooms alone before the ceremony and explained to them the error of their ways. It was through his compassionate speech that Davis and Miller finally came to terms with the truth of their relationship, something which only Brown could see, despite having never met the two men before.

“I can’t believe how long it took me to realize that my relationship with Steve is a sin,” Davis said. “I’ve been told that a lot, but I always said that love could never be a sin. I’m ashamed to say that I was just choosing to pretend to be in love with Steve as an act of rebellion.”

Davis and Miller have now moved out of their shared apartment. Davis has, on the recommendation of Brown, moved in with his second cousin, Eve, and Miller has moved back in with his parents, who have re-done the basement for him. 

“I’m so glad I came to realize the lies I was telling myself,” Miller said. “I want to send a big thank you to Christian Brown, and advise anyone in a similar position as myself and Adam to seriously reconsider their choices.”